Happy Birthday Maw Lucy

Today I woke up with a lump in my throat. It is my grandmothers 80th birthday and she is no longer here for me to call her. I have never missed someone so much as I miss her. I can't believe that it will be a year on the 9th that she is up in Heaven. It feels like just yesterday I was calling her asking her to sew something for me, or asking how to make her potato salad. She was the one person who always gave the best hugs. She knew me so well and always kept all her grand kids and greats in her prayers. She was the definition of a prayer warrior. Maw, I know you are watching me everyday and I feel your presence in all that I do. We noticed the other day that the kids school is St Anthony of Padua and that was the same Saint that was on your prayer cards. I just cried when I saw that I felt you were again telling me it was going to be ok. It was hard for us to find a school out here and it just affirmed that we made the right decision. A year ago today I went to Daspit grocery store and bought a big poster board and made you a card. We had all the grand kids sign it and anyone who came in the house to sign it for you. You were laying in the bed and just smiled at us all. You knew we were all there and we all sand Happy Birthday to you for the last time. It was a celebration if the wonderful life you led. If I could me half of the person you were to me and to everyone else...I would be successful..

If only I knew..

i would never here your voice again,

I would cherish your every world...

Every inflection of your voice..

with all my heart..

I guess that is why I still have you last message you left me still saved on my answering machine.. I even made Kenny save it on the computer so i will always remember your voice. I try to read a little scripture every night in your bible before I go to sleep. That smell that only brings back the best memories when i open it up. Your last words to me were "I love you" and then you said for me to tell Kenny you said bye and that you love him. Weren't you ever afraid ?

You always here time heals all pains, but I just miss you more. I still needed my Maw Lucy, how selfish that is, but it is how I feel. I keep telling myself it should be a celebration of the life you did live, of all the glorious and wonderful things you did do. Now that I can barely see through these swollen eyes to type.. I will just say goodnight and miss ya maw...

Ashley